Monday, June 22, 2009

Letter to Old Friends

It took me a long time to understand that I don't like people.
   Around the same time I made this discovery I also found that I have "Life ADD". Every 4 to 5 years I find myself getting itchy; I start noticing the cracks and stains; I begin criticizing and get cranky. I leave--jobs, organizations, friends. I try to put a smiley face on the situation by telling myself that it keeps things "fresh", that I avoid the inevitable corruption of staying in the same job for 30 years. But the truth is that I'm not a reliable or dependable friend in the long haul. Pam and I have been married for 31 years and I'm very proud of that. And we're best friends. But truly we're not the same people we were 4 years ago. So, actually, my "Life ADD" may have contributed to the longevity of our marriage.
People change. Marriage is like 3-dimensional chess. Who will I wake up to tomorrow...and who will I be tomorrow...and how can we make these 2 unknown beings live and love together? Interesting problems. A lot of young folks worry about marriage: how can I possibly live with (sleep with) the same person for the rest of my life? Not to worry, old son!! You don't live with the same person!! In fact, you won't know from day to day who you're going to bed with. Feel better? I didn't think so.
Anyway, back to friends. I keep my friends in folders near my heart. There's the early childhood folder; the high school subway friends' folder; the boarding-school friends' folder; the early-mid 60's summer friends' folder; the college friends' folder...and so on. Each folder seems to last about 4 years with the exception of my musical friends' folders.

I'm writing this post because I feel I'll be leaving a cherished group of musical friends soon. I hate it. I wish I were a more rock-solid person, not the one who leaves continuously. I value my old friends and keep them near my heart always. Doesn't seem to matter much when that old feeling creeps up my spine.

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